I’ve screwed everything up to the point of no return. I hate everything. I’ve tried so hard to fix this and nothing I’ve done has worked. I just feel horrible right now. Usually I’d never put anything like this out here but fuck it. INothing matters anymore. I’ve already lost everything that makes me happy. There’s nothing left for me now. I feel lost. I feel broken. I have no one. That’s the worst part about everything is that there is no one who understands how I feel. There is no one that ever notices I am having a bad day. No one cares. Yet I’ve always cared about everyone else. The second someone needs a friend or just someone to be there, I’m there. I’m always there, but no one ever comes back to help me. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me without judgement. Sometimes I need advice. Sometimes I just need someone to help distract me and make me feel better. Right about now I need any of the above. Well that’s about it I guess. I still feel terrible. Still crying my eyes out. Oh well. It’s always darkest before dawn. Gotta remember that even though it doesn’t really help at the moment. I will feel better later on I hope. The worst part about this all too is the fact that the one person I know could help me with all of this hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I wish there was something I could do to change that. I would still do anything to have that friendship back, that closeness, that perfectness I felt when I was with him. I hate this so much.
Hello, my name is Nikki. I am 5 feet and 2 1/2 inches tall and I am 18. I am a Freshman at St. John's University and I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but for now I am just trying to stay positive and enjoy what I have to the fullest. If there is anything else you'd like to know, feel free to ask. :)